At the latter part of my 18th year, I realized that the more you age, the colder your heart gets, and the more you become bored on things that you usually do before. It’s like you want to be refreshed and you want a sudden change in your lifestyle because maybe, you’re now aware about the essence of your little life. I don’t know if it’s just me or this world’s inhabitants are having more complex ideas on how to become happy and it tires me. As time goes by, we’re all growing, working and it’s really tiring so we need something to warm our souls. But my problem is I’ve observed that this generation’s ‘warmers’ (based on the stories they’re making and the words you’ll usually hear on groups) is either young love, seeing their crushes’ angelic faces or getting updated on the daily trends; overrated, tiring issues. Me? I’ll admit that I’ve been into these things before but again, I’m getting older and I can say that these things are like unused boiled water, the warmth leaves and it becomes useless.
I have tons of underrated ‘warmers’ but I’ll just share the four of them (and maybe connected with each other): coffee, city lights, small talk with strangers and having a long ride alone. I’ve been blogging for about three years already so I am used to sleep late because bloggers are mostly nocturnal and I enjoy talking with these beautiful strangers behind awesome blogs. When we we’re young, we are always warned not to talk to strangers but as you go deeper with your life, you’ll be wanting to hear more stories, you’ll be exploring more, and you’ll discover that your greatest muse will be coming from a stranger’s words. I have some people in this blogging site that I really trust to spill my stories with even though I still didn’t meet them in person. The problem is they are far from me and we’re all busy but our conversations are always like “One day we’ll walk in the city, see its bursting colors while sipping our coffee and talk about life.” Oh I just love strangers, because they will never judge you.
Then there’s coffee. I am in love with it, my friends are in love with it so the feeling is mutual. I love it from its aroma down to arouse my throat until it satisfies my tummy. I just love it so much especially on a rainy day with my blankets on while listening to Lucy Rose. But I guess it’s even wonderful to share it with other people.
I want to explore different cities at night and just have a nice long walk with people as weird as me. Then I’ll get a ride home, a two-hour ride maybe on a bus or even just in a jeepney and I’ll think about how happy I was and how I will make my remaining days happier. I love to ride alone in order to think about certain things while the wheels are moving and images from the outside are diverting me.
At the end we will all seek for warmth, a real warmth that struck to the bones you don’t want it to leave. These are some of my ‘warmers’ and maybe you have yours but be careful because the warmth might leave you or it can burn you. Darling, you don’t have to depend on what most people do. Start to find that spark inside you and appreciate the simple things in life. Don’t ignore it. For simple things can make great impacts.
We wanderers, ever seeking the lonelier way, begin no day where we have ended another day; and no sunrise finds us where sunset left us. Even while the earth sleeps we travel. We are the seeds of the tenacious plant, and it is in our ripeness and our fullness of heart that we are given to the wind and are scattered.
Khalil Gibran | The Prophet, pg. 82
Let me start here: YOU are gorgeous. A woman with a curious, wild, and inquisitive heart is something to be proud of. You are brave. Brave isn’t synonymous with complete understanding, security, or assurance. It is a daunting road, but you begin when you have the courage to ask and potentially be in further doubt because of it. The light can shine when you expose the dark.
In terms of what the purpose is, I can only offer my current reflections. I am perplexed and doubt daily, so do take this with a grain of salt and with grace. So often when we think of women, or Eve, we are brought to the fall, not creation. This is what Eve is, this is what women now are. If we are seeking a new creation and the kingdom is now and if this is what we truly believe, then we need to build as co-creators, a new creation, not disregarding history or the fall, but without guilt or suppression. We are free, but what does this mean? How do we live this out, mercy and grace - the grandiose words.
I think right now, simply, it is the question of how do we love. That we would love one another well and people will know Him by our love. So how do you love well, how can you engage your local and intimate community, the global community, your spouse, friend, etc.. in a way that is constantly loving in light of knowing what life truly is; A gift, grace.
I don’t have much to offer, but my own questions and confusions. But, there’s something.
Tell me and I forget, teach me and I may remember, involve me and I learn | Benjamin Franklin
It always makes us sad whenever a person leaves or treat us like we’re nothing. But I’ll tell you, there will be that special moment wherein you’ll feel this freedom you’ve never felt before when you let these persons go. It may hurt now but the healing process is the most exciting part.
… one’s real duty to the future is to do as you should do now. Make the best choices, do the best work, fulfill your obligations in the best way you can, and work on a scale that’s appropriately small. Make plans that are appropriately small. If you do those things, then the future will take care of itself.
|| Wendell Berry
There is nothing prettier than a city at 5 AM with its empty streets and cold wind"